The Beautiful Ones, you always lose.

Alright, I wasn’t going to write because I had nothin’ earlier, but I kinda lied.

Just perusing the news and seeing all the stupid, unfounded articles about Prince has been upsetting me since his death, and today, we have a major rag that fills itself with lies “recreating” what his death “may” have looked like based upon the report that there might have been CCTV footage in the elevator. Seriously?

It is becoming increasingly hard to deny that Prince was suffering from a prescription opiate problem brought on by years of terrible pain due to injuries as a performer. This is still not confirmed, but given the CREDIBLE reports, it’s probably true. My heart aches for his suffering, because unless you’ve ever experienced crippling pain, you cannot possibly understand the agony and incessant need to just make it stop for a little while. Relief is in pill form, but it becomes fleeting. You take more and more, just to calm the gnawing pain.

I’ve coped with pain due to my spinal issues all my life. I’ve sought the relief of muscle relaxers and opiates and even alcohol. I am at a crossroads with it now where I need to see a specialist. Before my hysterectomy, I coped with that pain by using vicodin. A lot of it. When I think of the ways in which I used – no, abused is the right word – it, and I think about what Prince must have gone through….I say a little prayer of thanks that I am still alive. Was I an addict? Not in so many ways, because once the pain was gone, I stopped using. But I was on Percocet – Prince’s chosen drug – for six weeks after that surgery and let me tell you, that was some of the most wonderfully blissed-out time ever.

I think back to my opiate use almost nostalgically and sometimes, I wish I had some now. That must be what an addict can’t “get over”. The pain I experience now varies from intense agony when I move to a heaviness and as if something immovable is blocking my body from moving. My neck always feels as though I have something heavy hanging around it. I have carried this burden since birth, due to a birth defect. I have reached a point where conventional medicine isn’t going to work, so I will be seeing a neurologist to explore some options.

Did Prince have all the best care? I would hope so, but maybe not. Maybe he was like so many others and refused to confront the inevitability of aging and to slow down a bit. Maybe it scared him. He was, despite the lofty elevation we fans lifted him to, human. That he may have suffered so much that he sought the numbness of drugs fills me with sadness. But I understand. I miss him. I loved him, the man, the work, the very essence. He was a constant in the last 36 years of my life. KISS was my first musical love-obsession, but Prince was certainly my second. I just hope he is resting in peace, and that his legacy will not be forgotten amongst all of the bullshit circulating by the mediaprince-purple-rain-ws-710.jpg


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